An open letter to the person I like,
I’m not even sure if I like you, if I’m being perfectly
honest. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between platonic and romantic
feelings, which confuses me to say the least. I’m not sure if I want to go out
with you or just be friends. (Though, I’m thinking preferably both.)
In fact, while we’re on the topic of romantic/platonic
feelings, let’s address my sexual and romantic orientations. I’m asexual, which
means that I’m not sexually attracted to you (or anyone else for that matter).
But guess what, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to go out with you! It just
means I don’t want “the booty” as they say. I’m also demi-romantic, which means
that I’m not interested in being romantically involved with you until I’ve emotionally
connected with you (ie. I need to be close friends with you before I want to
date you). So don’t just think that I’ll go out with you because we’re friends.
I want to know on an emotional level before I’m interested in you.
I care about you (a lot). And I get disappointed when we
don’t talk. I feel awkward making small talk with you because I want to know
your opinions on the world. What do you think are your greatest flaws? What do
you think are my greatest flaws? What do you like best about your friends? What
are you really after in a relationship? What’s one thing that would ruin your
relationship with someone irrevocably? I want to know the inner workings of
(your name). I want to talk about the deepest stuff because that is where the
best friendships are formed. You wanna know why people who go through trauma
together become closely intertwined? It’s because trauma brings out the best
and the worst of those people’s essences’. They aren’t just friends with
connections on the face value of life. They know the other because they’re felt
the other’s heart barely beating in their arms and they both survived it.
I want to able to see you and feel a warm surge of
familiarity. I want to understand why you do certain things the way you
do. When you yell at someone because
they hit a nerve, I want to know why that nerve is sensitive. I don’t want to
just have a feeling of “wanting to know you”; I want to feel at home when we
talk, without the carefully formed answers to portray a certain emotion; I want
to not worry about coming off a certain way.
I want to be comfortable enough around you that I won’t be
worried if you’re crushing on me because I respect you enough as a person to
value your care for me. I want us to be close enough that even if we can’t date,
you’ll still respect me as someone you care about. I want to feel close enough
that I won’t be afraid of losing you because I already know I can count on you
to be around always.
I realise that at this point I may be coming off borderline
obsessive. I’m not, I just know what I want in my close relationships. I don’t
want there to be pressure on our relationship in any direction. I don’t want to
feel embarrassed for saying certain things or screwing up what I say because
we’ll trust each other enough not to care.
So I’m sorry if this isn’t what you’re interested in. I know
that not everyone will share my opinions, and I don’t expect them to.
But if we ever end up near to this, I’m letting you know now
that this is the direction I’ll be tugging in.
--Best Wishes
from me. <3
omg ur gay u absolute fool. u dont like him because he's a guy
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